This is the scenario: I have no job, I left my position after a racial confrontation with my boss. i had just finished a graduate degree and thought that I would be able to find something. Welll, 6 months have passed and you guessed it, nothing. Only 1 interview with over 100 resumes out. I am in Michigan, pur economy is awful.
I had saved money and I was paying my bills and then I badly injured my foot in January and I just started getting the bills and it looks like Im 400$ short and i have some other things I have to pay.
To the problem: lately I have these awful thoughts, cant sleep can fell myself going into that depressed state again (I should be coming out of it, it is spring). I just notice I have no desire to do the things I like, and have been having a very tough time with my girlfriend b/c of money. Among other things.
Even doing the simplest things seems impossible. I am starting to get really worried
Answer:
I've been bipolar for 15 years also. I had 2 previous docs who were useless. Finally, a third one took a fresh look at my case and helped me. But it hasn't been smooth sailing. I've tried over 20 different meds and countless more combinations. Spring/summer were always my best times, but this year I'm feeling down. I don't get it. Find a new doctor. Mine is very compassionate and is working to help me feel better. Keep trying.
Wow. And I thought I had a bad day. All I can say is that you have to make up your mind that this will pass like a bad storm. You have to have hope. Be positive. I am a firm believer in the idea that we draw energy to ourselves based on the energy we release. So, if you are negative about a lot of things, then you will draw negativity to your life. This concept is real. As far as the bills go, call the people you owe money to and tell them you will be late making payments. Explain your injury and the fact that it has affected your ability to work right now. This is a Cardinal Rule. (Sorry about your foot.) You say you are taking your meds, you finished your graduate degree, you saved money. You are obviously someone who has their act together. However, if you feel that you are slipping into a depression, in spite of taking your meds, you may need to be reevaluated by your doc. You may just need a simple adjustment. Happens all the time. Focus on those things you have control over, and set aside those things that are OUTSIDE of your influence. Go somewhere today and get some sun. Tell yourself that it's all going to work out. Like I said, you have many outstanding traits. Build on those. Onward and upward.
You mention a lot of negatives here. Some actual ones that have occurred for you and others you are perceiving or anticipating because of them.
Though it's hard to 'see' the future when you feel this way, instead of letting the negatives stack up, take mental 'time-out' and make a list of the positives in your life and about you. Let them 'stack up' and use those to help build up future prospects and hopes for yourself.
Your taking -one-step-at-a-time down the negative road at the moment. Turn around and start taking one-step-at-a-time up the positive road.
It can be done. You've acheived alot by gaining your degree and you're able to be honest with the way you're feeling at the moment. You've achieved then, you can achieve now.
Also, find a relaxation method that works for you. Helps calm the nerves so you can see things more clearly.
Maybe discover something you are passionate about (your degree ?) to help you focus on a better future.
Good luck
Hey Justin, I would like to start with saying I completly feel for you, I've had bipolar for about 10 yrs, so I understand. Honestly, with all my knowledge from my own experiences, I'm still lost for words, and my heart goes out to you.
For me, when I'm in this kind of situation, knowing that I'm actually getting somewhere and digging myself out of my hole, makes me feel better. So, as silly as it sounds, (and I still do it) I make a list of the problems. Then assess each one, individually, and really think about all the different options. Then slowly, make a another list, of which one you're going to do first, etc etc with dates and times - but realistic ones. (I'm always having to change my goals as normally it's lose 5 kgs in 2 days without sawing off an arm kinda thing! *giggle*)
I know it sounds silly, and reading back on this, Im even thinking, omg, yeah right! But it does work! Structure saves me and really seeing that I could get myself back on my feet (or foot ;-) ) helps. Otherwise things just get all mushed up in my head, one thing piles on top of the other and seems just like one big black hole thats pulling me in deeper and deeper. I hope theres someone you can talk to about all this. Otherwise, please email/im me, you've really impacted me, and as silly as I am, I think I can still give some good advice, and sometimes it even works in your advantage when you don;t know the other person!
I know what you mean about doctors tho. I've searched years till I finally found the a shrink - but's that a whole other story!
All the best, and I don't know you, but I know that you will get thru this. Alice.
it might be worth your time to see a psychologist... i know that you say money is hard to come by, but some will work on a sliding scale for you... there are clinics in most areas that are meant for people with limited income... and tough times. medication, even if you need it just temporarily, will give you the edge you need to get through things right now, if that's what you need. your mental health is important. without being able to think clearly and make good decisions, it might be difficult for you to get back up again. i wish you luck.
i am 15 and have been dealing with bipolar all my life (no matter how short it has been). consider yourself lucky to have a girlfriend! i cant keep one for more than a month! yet i digress.
the thoughts are normal (at least for me but everyone is different) i take low dose allergy medication with drowsy side affects for insomnia, but that's just me! the meds are important but don't rely on them they just help. you cant let it control you! you need to keep a grip on your emotions so find an outlet (i do martial arts and a little poetry). if you feel like you are going through mood swings separate yourself from everyone and calm down (meditate and take deep, calm breaths and center yourself) however don't keep the emotions bottled up! they will just rear their ugly heads later when you aren't expecting them. you have to realize that YOU and no one else controls your emotions.
good luck!
Justin,
Judging from your dialog you sound as though you are capable of identifying when you are experiencing highs and lows. So what did you do to get back on track during the other times things fell apart for you? I read other people's advice and some of it maybe helpful to you. But when feeling as low as you sound right now you are probably ready to call it quits. DON'T! QUIT. Give yourself credit for that graduate degree, and the fact you held a job, (your ambitious) and all the other things you have accomplished in life as a person. You are more than just someone afflicted with bipolar. Its too bad your girlfriend is not being supportive right now. Seek out a professional that is supportive, or a family member or a friend. Take it one step at a time starting with sleep. I used to hear numerous things in my head when I was trying too hard to fall asleep. (I swear I could hear a radio or something, it really drove me up the wall!) I am sure you have tried falling asleep in front of the TV or with some type of noise to distract yourself. Maybe once you write down all the things you want to accomplish, some relief may come to mind. Every person that has bipolar, including myself, handles situations differently.
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