I feel like he thinks that suffering from depression is some decision I've made that I can just snap out of. He gets frustrated when I cry for any reason and acts as if I'm being impolite or simply seeking attention. He gets pouty and says "I don't like it when you cry". As if that's going to change anything? He has never been close to anyone with depression (or anyone with any sorts of problems whatsoever it sometimes seems) so he spends a lot of time in denial about problems people face. Are there any good websites about depression that are geared towards people in a relationship with a depressed person? I want him to understand that my depression isn't just "in my head" but I also don't want to scare him away. In the past it seemed like he was giving me an ultimatum. As if to say "give up this depression act or you'll lose me". I've tried to tell him about it before but it's as if he doesn't want to believe me. I hope he'll be more open to information from an offical source.
Answer:
I am currently suffering with depression and had to tell my partner how I was feeling and what I was going through.
Basically, all I did was sit him down and say to him that I was feeling really down in myself and that although I knew that he hadn't any experience with anyone close to him having depression, I would try to explain it to him as best I could.
I think the best way is to be frank, open and honest without being patronising. Tell him that while you know it is hard for him to see you this way, it is equally hard for you to have these thoughts and emotions that you don't really understand yourself and sometimes can't control.
Although websites are an invaluable source of information, they tend towards the generic, which may not be too helpful for your partner, as everyone suffers depression differently.
You could also try keeping a diary and allowing him access to it. This way, when you are having a "bad" day, you can write down everything that is going on inside your head and let him see it in black and white. Also, write in it when you're having a "not so bad" day and your partner can see the difference in mood and emotions.
I hope this helps a little, I know it isn't easy, especially if your partner is showing signs of frustration or negativity towards you or your depression. You could always try telling him that sometimes his attitude towards how you are feeling doesn't help and that you need him to be there for you and that you're trying to help him understand you and where you're coming from.
This is a wrong time to discuss your depression with anyone except your counselor - the Virginia Tech shooter was suffering from depression.
Do you think keeping him as your partner is really healthy right now? He sounds unfeeling and cold-- not exactly the type of person to help you with your healing. If you feel he's giving you an ultimatum, I think it's time to dump him and focus on getting well.
type in living with deppression, on you home page..but too me it sounds like your partener has problems of his own ?. good luck
depression is an illness. when he gets a cold, flu or toothache ,tell him to snap out of it. when he fails he might understand what you mean. in the meantime he should be made to realise what your situation is. you need his support. i hope you get it
He sounds like a very cold unfeeling person. I hate to say it, but I don't think you'll get anywhere with him, he clearly doesn't want to understand what you're going through. As someone above said, if it was a broken leg, or the flu, he'd be understanding, but because it's something emotional he's reacting like you're putting it on, which is basically victimising you for your illness.
What you need to show him is this perhaps
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
which is an online booklet about depression. Also, try and explain to him that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain which causes these symptoms. Other chemical imbalances can causes stuff such as schizophrenia and psychotic episodes, which you could also show him. He sounds like he's led an extremey sheltered and a little callous life so far.
If I were you, I'd find another man, can you imagine the attitudes your children would grow up with if he carries on like this?
He should know you well enough to know that you are not faking. But, give him a chance and inform him with "depression" information. Tell him to let you convince him about it once. Google info about deppressive disorders, read them and pick out the ones you think best fits you. Let him read it. By then he still doesnt believe you, then forget him. YOu have anough problems to deal with, he should be the one that stands beside you to help you cope through it, not give you more problems. You should be taking anti depressive meds, bring him along on one of your appointments to let the professional explain to him about it.
I feel for you, you are struggling to cope with an illness that can be debilitating and unfortunately haven't got support from the person closest to you.
Please visit the Mind website, it offers great information, in an easy to read and understand format. I've given a few links below to information that I think will help both of you,
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
http://www.mind.org.uk/information/bookl...
but please take time to look around the website as there is loads of good information and advice.
Also use the link below
http://www.mind.org.uk/mind+in+your+area...
to find out where your nearest local Mind association is.
They offer support, advice and information to anyone who is suffering, but also to carers as well. They may have a carers support group, or will be able to direct you to one nearby.
Unfortunately mental illness is still widely misunderstood and many people view it as something to wary of, or totally deny that it is a real illness.
In fact, 1 in 4 people will suffer from some form of mental illness at some point in there life:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/157875...
http://education.guardian.co.uk/print/0,...
http://www.changes.org.uk/html/changes_-...
Maybe showing your partner some of the headlines surrounding this issue will help him to understand that it is a reall illness and one that needs treating seriously.
I hope that the information I have recommended helps you to encourage your partner to see that his view is not correct.
You deserve and need to receive support and treatment so that you can start to rebuild your life and begin to cope again.
Having a loving and understanding partner will make so much difference.
But remember that both of you do not have to do this alone, there is excellent help out there and available, if you know where to look for it.
I strongly advise that you contact your local Mind, all it takes is a phone call. You can refer yourself, and you can either go alone, or take your partner with you. They will be able to offer you support and help on a wide range of things that will help.
You need and deserve treatment that is right for you, medication and other medical approaches can be accessed through your GP, and these are valid and useful tools, but remember that you have a right in how you are treated, and that is where Mind will come in. Their services are centred around what you want and how you feel support will best benefit you.
Please remember that it is possible to start a journey of recovery, it will be hard work and there will be relapses on the way, but it is well worth the effort.
I hope that you can help your partner to better understand the illness that you suffer from, and that he will, with time, come to realise that you are not making any of it up, and that you need treatment and understanding.
Good luck to you and to your partner too.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, your partner just needs someone to shine a light to guide him towards it.
theres a good website about depression.www.depression.o...
It tells you the symptoms, warning signs, the effects it has on people, a summary of what depression is and lots more things. you should check it out it should give you all the info that you need to educate ur partner.
Good Luck : )
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