How can I be more assertive without ticking people off?

Answer:
You know, it's really common for people to think that "assertive" equates with "aggressive" (or pushy, etc.) But being assertive basically means that you are able to ask for what you need out of a situation--hopefully considering the feelings and needs of others as well and balancing it all out.

Probably the best trick to being assertive without ticking people off is to make strong "I-statements" about how you feel. For example, when someone has hurt your feelings by making a snarky comment: "You know, I feel very hurt when you make snide comments about me...If something that I do offends you, would you please let me know honestly rather than hurting my feelings this way?" All in all, another person is very unlikely to become offended when you state how you feel about what their behavior has done to you. It might even open up honest dialogue with them (or not, but at least you've taken care of yourself).

You are really on the right track when you ask how not to tick others off. Think about how YOU would like someone to be assertive with you when your behavior/speech, etc. offends someone else. And think "assertive" rather than "aggressive" or "pushy"...assertion involves consideration--of BOTH your feelings and those of other people.

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Be assertive but polite not like SHUT UP be like please destroy the jabber please.

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It is definitely a valuable skill. Try stating your wants and needs without disrespecting the wants and needs. I know that many people think "I" statements are cheesy, but they are very important when being assertive. Try to avoid being critical of the other person's viewpoint, just state what you need.

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Human beings are very strange in their behaviour.if you are too assertive you are a *****, if you do not assert yourself..people will walk all over you..

I have yet to find the in-between...other than, treat people the way you would like to be treated, and, if someone does something that offends you tell them immediately...in a quiet, non-confronting way..and, if they do not like it...do not candy coat anything...dont bow down to someone who will not hear you or respect you..

best wishes

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You have received some good advice on here. The only thing I can add is that you need to get over worrying about ticking people off. You won't if you are polite. So don't worry about that. AND...if someone is really wrong and you stand up for yourself, who cares if they get ticked off at you?

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If you are in a situation where you need to assert yourself, stay calm. Your body posture should be calm and non-threatening as well; keep your shoulders up, don't lean in to the person you're dealing with. Your voice should also be calm but not subdued. And when you stop talking, listen. Don't just wait to talk again, really listen. And while you listen, breath. If it takes a few seconds to formulate a considered answer, then do so; don't rush the exchange. Be firm, be calm, be in control of yourself. People will respect your attitude and be more inclined to listen to you.

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